Why I Threw Away $40,000 (Or a Lesson In the “Just In Case Syndrome”)
“Our primary identity has become that of consumer, not mothers, teachers, farmers, but consumers. The primary way that our value is measured and demonstrated is by how much we contribute to this arrow, how much we consume.” ~ Annie Leonard, The Story of Stuff
Since the spring I’ve been on another purge spree — taking a look around and figuring out what I no longer needed or wanted and getting rid of it. More books, over 100 CDs, files of papers, clothes I had not worn in months… the list goes on.
All the while I’ve used the process to ask myself why I have held on to all this stuff for so long, in many cases hauling boxes across states and house moves: What about this stuff did I find so important to keep? Were the emotional connections still there (or there to begin with)? What value does it provide me right now?
What sparked this latest round of stuff-shedding were a couple of amazing posts from blogs I follow: Leo’s description of “Just In Case Syndrome” hit home like a ton of bricks. While Raam’s essay on“Voting for Poverty” caused me great pause as I thought about that child in the photo and all the other children like her across the world. Contemplate for a moment this thought:
“Every time you buy something you don’t need or spend time in the pursuit of a selfish goal, you’re placing a vote that says you’d rather see people suffer than sacrifice your own wants and desires… I couldn’t stop questioning the moral implications of the apparent addiction to waste that now surrounded me. Food thrown in the trash. Money thrown around as if there was nothing better to do with it. Hours, days, and months of time and life wasted on entertainment.” ~ Raam Dev
Take an extra moment to let that sink in. Deep. Deeper still.
Beyond the human suffering that my stuff-hoarding of the past might have cause, the thought of the impact on this precious Earth is just as devastating in my mind: How many resources went into to producing, buying and maintaining all this stuff makes me cringe. How could I have been so careless, so ignorant of the interconnectedness of all things?
Alas, I try not to dwell on these “eco-sins” of the past. What is done is done. It is about making better choices here in the moment. With awareness comes responsibility.
So what’s the $40,000 all about, you ask?
My M.B.A. (Masters in Business Administration) at Northeastern University in Boston cost about $80,000, give or take a few thousand. I am fortunate (and extremely grateful) because a large portion of that was covered through a scholarship, causing me to only have to take out a limited amount in student loans to cover the balance (we’ll save the burdens of school loan debt for another post).
Aside from the new friends and amazing memories of all-nighters, crazy new product ideas and some life-changing international residencies in Mexico and China, at the end of the 18-month program all I was left with was a ton of books and binders full of business cases, research papers and the like. The topics ran the gamut from statistics to finance to economics to marketing to accounting to human resources management. I know, all riveting topics.
But why was I hanging on to it all? Some people might cringe at the thought of parting with all that “knowledge” but from my vantage point, there were just some things that I would never, ever use. Never. I don’t care where on the corporate ladder I found myself (if on that ladder at all, frankly). So why hang on to it all “just in case”? I suppose I could have tried to sell all those Harvard Business School cases but it wasn’t worth my while. So after a few nights worth of weeding through it all, I parted with over half of it. Applying some simple math, I figured that since the price tag for the whole degree was around $80,000, I must have tossed about $40,000 worth into the recycling bin.
Go figure.
So as we head into fall (or spring depending on where you live), perhaps now is a good time to take a fresh look at everything around you and see what you can start to part with — what you can begin to let go of to lesson your load and lift your spirits from the Grip of Stuff. Ask yourself honest questions about why you continue to hold on to things. Separate need from want, the emotional from the rational. Sell or freecycle what you can and recycle as much as possible after that. Find new uses for things. Take those additional steps towards lessening your footprint and thinking about the interconnectedness of all things.
What have you held on to for so long? What have you thought about parting with but can’t seem to take that next step? How does having fewer things make you feel?
Be well,
Bill
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I’m down to 1 pair of jeans, 4 books, 5 pairs of shoes, and 1 winter coat, but I cannot manage to get rid of my countless sketchbooks and diaries. A few diaries in particular chronicle some horribly tragic and painful episodes in my life – things I’d love to forget – but there’s a part of me that is afraid to burn them. I’ve spent a long time trying to psycho-analyze why I’m so afraid, but wonder if I’m missing the point.
Though I pair down what I own seemingly constantly at this point… I never even considered getting rid of my notebooks worth of knowledge. They take up a lot of space, and as of about two weeks ago now fill a box in the basement (which felt awful enough) because my husband needed more shelf space as he is the current graduate student. I’m going to have to really process through all that stuff… I just assumed I’d leave it all as is. But you’re right, I’m never going to use the majority of what I came up with. I wasn’t that brilliant. My work was not that priceless, and sadly to say, nor were my professors lectures and outlines and what not. Thanks for highlighting this little area of stuff I never considered lessening.
Hi Caitlin // Thanks for sharing. I think your diaries and sketchbooks could be in a different “category” than the stuff I’ve parted with in this latest purge. The closest comparison for me would honestly be my music (CDs, etc.). Growing up, music held such a prominent place as far as my identity and my activities are concerned. When considering to get rid of a certain CD, I first had to face a LOT of memories and emotional connections. It was very tough, but I finally came to the conclusion that 1) If I really *needed* to hear some piece of music, there were other ways to get a copy; 2) I have changed as a person — not about being better or worse, just different — and that treading lighter on this earth is more important to me now than reliving 1993.
You bring up the idea of burning them. Could that be part of a larger intention you make to yourself and the world? Could it be a ceremony of sorts that commits you to living in the moment from this day forward? While I don’t know the content of your writing, could you perhaps bring closure directly with people and places as part of that transition for yourself? Could the final page of the final chapter of those events be closed forever by bringing that closure?
I wish you well with this. Much peace to you.
Hi Kristy // You’re welcome. Even when I was going through my graduate program I often thought that there had to be a better way to do things than hand out a forest’s worth of trees to get a point across or highlight some abstract angle of the content we were trying to learn. Maybe that’s a business opportunity.
The paperless MBA…
Be well. I appreciate you taking the time to stop by and comment.
Hi Bill, I’m glad you were able to let go some of that stuff that was wearing you down. I think the education we received in school is already within us – we keep what we need, and the rest just dissipates. Holding onto the physical representations of our education won’t change what we already know or don’t know. I wouldn’t say you threw away $40,000 entirely… I’m sure there’s something less tangible you gained from going through school. But it’s true a lot of that was sent to waste – new books, papers, bad lectures, etc. I’m having some second thoughts about grad school, as I think about all the money that is spent on excess fees and programs I probably won’t use. It won’t be coming from my personal pocketbook, so that’s good, but I still think about how the money could be used to alleviate suffering elsewhere. At the same time, I still find value in furthering my knowledge of scientific research. I still think it is useful to social transformation, as long as it is on a topic that resonates with my personal beliefs. I hope to use this knowledge to support conscious transformation elsewhere in my future. The fact that the current education system is inefficient and wasteful is not something I have control over at the moment, and I hope it won’t stop me from being able to advance my scientific knowledge.
Sometimes I also think about how necessary science is right now. I’ve just got in contact with a professor at U of Vermont and she said there may be a possible opening, she imagines projects related to compost biology and disease suppression in soils that would match my background and interests. I thought about how important it is that I go study compost microbiology, versus the importance of bringing compost to the people, to mainstream farmers. Then I thought back to the time I took a one-day Compost Technology course with the scientist who uncovered the soil food web in the ’90s, Elaine Ingham, PhD, who is now at the Rodale Institute. I felt incredibly inspired and empowered knowing about the biochemical process of compost, knowing what exactly makes it work, and how to create the best compost possible. I think it is a lack of knowledge that creates fear of new methods. If scientists can elucidate and properly communicate to the public the biochemical process behind composting, that dissipates a lot of the fear in trusting the process. For example, Elaine consults with large composting facilities to make sure they are doing things the right way to enhance the microbiology of compost, which is where the fertility comes from.
One could argue all sorts of things not in favor of science, but I think science still plays a vital role in helping people understand the world around them. It has certainly helped me, even to embrace spirituality, because it makes sense rationally, based on how we are wired emotionally and physically.
These are my personal reflections on my own educational experience. I’m sure an MBA is much different, but at the same time the MBA is simply another tool to help you realize your intentions. It’s all about how consciously you use it. Your business background could easily be used for social entrepreneurship, and that is extremely beneficial. Perhaps that wasn’t the focus of your program, but you can still use it for that purpose.
Oh yeah, and I have been selling a bunch of my old stuff on Craigslist and EBay
Lynn // Follow the path that is being laid out in front on you! I think you could do wonders marrying your knowledge of science with your amazing ability to communicate in a clear and compassionate way. It’s not often that scientists can do that, but think of some of the great ones who could/can: Carl Sagan, David Suzuki, Steven Hawking — just to name a few. While my level of knowledge is no way near yours I do know the power that compost has to revitalize soil that has been damaged by human activity. It’s powerful. And we’re (unfortunately) going to need more of it.
Plus — if you’re in these neck of the woods (New England), we could one day grab a cup of coffee and chat in person!
I’m sure as you reflect and contemplate you will arrive at the best decision for you. Feel free to reach out on email if you want to chat it through any more.