Accepting the Moment (Or How to Ride Those Waves Like a Pro)
“You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” ~ Jon Kabat-Zinn
These past weeks have been challenging. At times, down right exhausting — both in body and spirit.
A new role at work finds me taking on more, spending most days in meetings navigating through politics, egos and an unyielding charge to work minor miracles. Bookend that with a commute that can find me in the car for nearly four hours a day. And at the end of it all, finding the energy to take on my most important role of being a husband and dad — rolling with all that comes with running a home and family.
This is not a plea for sympathy. In fact, I’m quite sure my situation is not unique at all. We’ve all walked a mile (or three) in these shoes.
I write this to let you know that you’re not alone, hoping you’ll find a bit of solace and peace knowing that we are working through such things ‘together’. While the details and specifics might be different, the general experiences are not. We’re all human — and in that most basic of ways we share in that Human Experience.
I share my own situation because I am using it as a way to learn how to accept and live through the moment.
Life happens. That is a constant we can all count on. The ups and downs; the hiccups and trip-ups; the pushes and pulls. That’s why I love the above quote from Jon Kabat-Zinn so much. Learning how to surf the Waves of Life — from the mellow to the massive — is such an amazing metaphor.
That said, here are a few guideposts I continue to rely on in those teachable moments where Life seems to throwing that un-surfable wave at me. I hope they can help you too.
The Moment is Impermanent. What ever is happening, it won’t last. Granted the time line for actual change could be a second, a month or a few years. But eventually it will change.
The Moment is Controllable. Each of us has control over how we handle each moment. From how we go into it to how we react to it to how we position ourselves for the next one. I’ll be the first to admit that this is a VERY hard thing to do. It’s the number one thing I continue to work on in my practice of living deeply each day.
The Moment Will Come Again. It’s a safe bet that you will encounter similar situations time and time again. Use how you’ve experienced previous situations as a learning tool for how you should handle it when it happens again. This takes perseverance and commitment (and learning how to embrace a nature free of guilt).
So what to do in the midst of riding those waves?
- Give the moment your full attention. Single-task. Avoid distractions. Insight and the resulting joy and happiness can only happen if we are truly there.
- Let your breath be a pathway to the moment. The simple and deliberate act of breathing can center you in the moment, relieving the stress you might be feeling. Feel the moment spiraling out of control? Stop, take a few deep breaths and relax your mind and body. Let go of what is causing you to fall off that wave. Then begin again from a fresh perspective.
- Look at the moment from a different perspective. If you’re a parent and you’re faced with one of those inevitable episodes with your child, stop and consider the situation from their eyes. How do you look and sound? Is the situation that big a deal in the grand scheme of things? This process — while requiring practice and perseverance — can be profoundly insightful.
- Embrace the natural happiness of the moment. In its purest state, the moment is blissfully free of angst, fear, anger or any other negative emotion. Be with it, open to the simple happiness that it provides.
- Look or go outside. Nature only dwells in the moment. And because of that, you can use it to help you get there too. Often when I’m teetering on that wave, I’ll look at the trees swaying or gaze up at the stars in the night sky. That which is bigger than us grounds us.
Be well,
Bill
[image: -yury-]
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Kia ora Bill,
Very fine stuff. We also have to remember that most of the bad things we at times focus on possibly happening actually never happen, and the time we spent worrying and not enjoying we do not get back. I admit I do that as well, but I am learning to a find a moment within a moment to make someone laugh or smile, enjoy a brief second watching my wife or sons, or as you write, simply a tree’s branches fluttering in the wind. Or even just take a deep breath!
And when time offers itself, I fill up my pack and head to the mountains! Ready for 5 days with my oldest son in a few days. What a great christmas present.
Hope you and your family have a very peaceful Yuletide Bill. I have enjoyed being guided to your place through Robin this year. Always cool to discover like minded people. Kia kaha.
Cheers,
Robb
OMG!! This is STUNNING, Bill.
These two parts made me tear up; they are so beautiful!! I really resonate with them:
“# Embrace the natural happiness of the moment. In its purest state, the moment is blissfully free of angst, fear, anger or any other negative emotion. Be with it, open to the simple happiness that it provides.
# Look or go outside. Nature only dwells in the moment. And because of that, you can use it to help you get there too. Often when I’m teetering on that wave, I’ll look at the trees swaying or gaze up at the stars in the night sky. That which is bigger than us grounds us.
This is something that I find myself doing more and more as the pressure of my own days intensifies. And surprisingly doing this is not only easing some of the pressure, but it’s helping me more clearly see what is REALLY important and what is NOT important. It’s helping let go of a lot in my external and internal worlds. There is something SO clean about that. Clean about being stripped down to what is just right now, and real.
You are a beautiful writer and your writing is not only wise, but it is rich with wisdom drawn from one who has a strong connection and love affair with nature.
I wish you a wonderful holiday season and hopefully you can have some time to stop. I really relate to the pace of your life right now and all the demands. And reading this did me good. Like Nature, it helps me remember who I am, and what’s important.
Thank you dear friend. Your beautiful spirit really shines in this one, very real, raw, honest and beautiful.
Hugs,
Robin
Kia ora, Robb,
Your comment made me stop and think about all those things — those moments that I perceived as negative, angst-ridden and worrisome — that I have, as you put it, wasted time with. Goodness. But you know what? I’m now in a place where I can just let that go. It’s not worth dwelling on (that would be more time and energy wasted!). It takes lots (and lots and lots) of practice to learn not to judge or critique the moment, but to just let it be. This is a lifelong pursuit in my mind, as there is always opportunity to improve.
A wonderful Christmas present indeed! We’ve been hit with the first big cold spell of the season (in the teens) so for us, backpacking will need to wait until spring. But still great for those quick hikes and visits in the woods. Enjoy! I’m looking forward to reading about it.
All the best to you and yours, Robb. Be well!
Robin,
Whenever you stop by and lend your insight and reflection, it just makes me smile. I am humbled by your critique of my writing — I just want to connect and share as a way to help me and others journey. Thank you.
Your post about stepping back was powerful as well. It takes insight and courage to know when to stop; to put the brakes on so that you yourself can recharge (for yourself and others). I’m getting to that point as well. An in doing so, create the moments of introspection and reflection needed to help grow and deepen the spirit.
A joyous and peaceful holiday season to you and yours as well! I’m looking forward to diving into Naked In Eden when I take some vacation time. Be well!
Bill,
We’re here with you. You don’t have to face this alone.
I also like to remember that there is usually something positive with all changes. Change is difficult and stressful, but beautiful. And there is no change without destruction.
Your blog is so full of positive vibes. Thanks.
Hey Eric,
Thanks so much for stopping by. I really appreciate it!
We are all in “this” together — in one way, shape or form. We are all learning and growing. I love how you’ve positioned change — as beautiful and a (natural) pathway for destruction. So true!
All the best this Season. Reading Journal of a Renegade Yogi has been a highlight for me this year. I always leave thinking!