The Three Spheres of Love
“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” ~ Mother Teresa
Why is it we love? Why is it we don’t? Our selves; the billions of other beings (not just human) we share the planet with; the life-giving Mother Earth herself?
I’ve been thinking a lot about Love of late. Dwelling on it. Thinking it through and tossing it around. Picking it apart one little thread at a time.
I guess it started when my friend, Raam, posed this question on Twitter a while back:
What is the purpose behind each action? Is it about you or them? Is it consumption or creation? Balance is vital. Are you imbalanced?
I replied with the following:
Love needs to be the purpose. At all levels: Love of self, love of other beings, love of the planet that gives us everything.
Far and away, love is the central theme of the universe — the ‘special sauce’ of the cosmos, bringing together and binding all that swirls above and below.
It knows different forms but knows no bounds. Love triumphs; Love humbles; Love even hurts sometimes.
The contemplative nature of Love could be as old as consciousness itself. Yet, I don’t know if we’re any farther along in our understanding of it. Day in and day out I observe so many things that make me wonder where Love is, where it is going and just how deep it should extend as we watch the world go by.
The Three Spheres
In my life I believe that there are three ‘spheres’ of Love: Love of Self, Love of Other Beings, and Love of the Planet that gives us Life. Each sphere is important to cultivate in its own right, but when combined, they help define a new sense of completeness. One that allows us to dive deeper into the very essence of our individual and collective experience.
Love of Self
You cannot be good for others if you are not good to yourself first. I’ve learned this over the years, especially as I became a husband and then a father. When people are counting on you most is not the time to realize you don’t love yourself enough to care.
True Love of Self is not narcissistic. It is a reverence for the mind and body that allow you to be — to do all the things in life that bring you joy and satisfaction. Why is it then that so many — especially in Western society — continue to live an existence that lacks a deep Love of Self? Why do illnesses (many of which are preventable) continue to plague our minds and bodies? Obesity, diabetes, heart disease; addictions large and small, seen and unseen; depression and anxiety, fear and trepidation. Gluttony of all kinds of foodstuffs and substances are laying waste to the only body/temple/being we will ever know.
Start Today
Developing this Love of Self is not hard. It starts with taking care of ourselves. From the food we eat to the thoughts we think, we must only put in that which is good for us. We must give back to our selves each day; allow ourselves time to contemplate, heal and thrive. It takes effort. It takes putting ourselves first a priority sometimes. And that can be hard, especially in a world with competing priorities like family and work.
Here are a few simple things we can all start doing today:
- Get enough sleep
- Give yourself the gift of 15 minutes of quiet time each day to reflect and contemplate
- Speak kindly to yourself; practice patience as you work through difficult things that challenge you
- Eat a healthy meal and go for a walk afterward
Love of Other Beings
When I refer to ‘beings’, I mean more than just the six billion of the human kind. Scientists have documented around two million different species on Earth, with upper estimates reaching nearly 100 million for the total possible number of other species in existence. This rich and vibrant bio-diversity should give us pause.
I wonder if we could ever shift our sense of loving others to be this broad. To cast the net so wide as to envelope not only the rich diversity within our own species but the awesome richness of biodiversity that surrounds us. To put aside the notion that humans are the end all be all (what is known as anthropocentrism) and give equal footing to everything else that lives and breaths the same life-giving air we do.
Could we love enough to conquer that which divides us? Could we love enough to eliminate the pain and suffering that ails so many? Could we love enough to stop looking half a world (or half a block) away and thinking we could never do anything to help?
Start Today
Developing a strong Love of Other Beings is a sure path to unity — human and otherwise. We cultivate this by opening our hearts and minds to those around us both near and far; dwelling in the commonalities of our experiences rather than the differences that unfortunately tend to be catalysts for division; putting the interests and needs of others ahead of our own.
To paraphrase the Buddhist teaching, we further cultivate this way of living by exacting wisdom where there is ignorance, generosity where there is greed, and love where there is hatred — not only for ourselves but helping others do the same.
Here are a few simple things we can all start doing today:
- Practice generosity — give of your time, skills, resources — with other beings around you. Volunteer to do something you wouldn’t normally do.
- Share your abundance by giving away your stuff (e.g., money, belongings) to those in need
- Eat a vegetarian meal
- Learn about the importance of bio-diversity
Love of the Planet That Gives Us Life
For far too long, most humans have been without the deep respect and awe for the planet that provides every single thing that makes life possible. We have plundered and pillaged every nook and cranny for our own benefit. Forsaken all the other Life that we share this home with.
I believe this is changing though. I believe that as the results of this unchecked resource mongering continue to make headlines, awareness of the tolls of this abuse grows. This is the first step. Then comes action. And finally, as we long to do more than tick off things on a to-do list to heal the planet, the deep change in perspective about humans and our relationship with the Earth happens.
Start Today
This change in perspective sows the seed for seeing each and every action we take much differently. It changes what is most important from short-term personal and collective gain to the (very) long-term health, well-being and vitality of the entire eco-sphere — the planet and all that calls it home. We turn from takers to givers; from stomping to stepping lightly; from being separate to being One.
Here are a few simple things we can all start doing today:
- Find time to be outside every day; observe and listen to all that is around you; be with that
- Plant a garden and nurture it
- Learn about your carbon footprint and how to lessen it
- Read an amazing and inspiring book exploring the philosophy of deep ecology
Where Do You Dwell?
How does love play a role in your life? Are there other elements of love that have a particular importance to you? How do we extend this selfless love to all beings?
Be well,
Bill
[image: Katarina 2353]
I loved this, Bill! The three spheres analogy really helps see the whole picture and puts things into perspective. Reading your description of how many other species there are on Earth made me feel more connected and in touch with all the life that exists.
When we take into account that most scientists now agree that there are likely billions of other planets out there with life as intelligent and diverse as the life here on Earth, we can begin to feel just how much love there is to go around.
Thanks, Raam. You really got me going thinking about it in the first place.
There is so much love to go around. It’s unfortunately that so often it’s the opposite of love that tends to be found so easily out there.
I had done some research a while back for another post. There are an estimated 70 sextillion – 70,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 – stars exist in the observable universe with each one holding the possibility of a planet that could support intelligent life orbiting it. Odds that we are alone are slim.
Oh, Oh, Oh…I LOVE this conversation! As Raam said, looking from the perspective of the three spheres helps me to see the bigger picture. I find it so easy to get caught up in day to day living, where all I can see is what’s right in front of me, like tunnel vision.
There IS so much love to go around Bill, so what gets in the way of it being expressed? I wrote about love myself last week and it took some courage for me to publish it; I felt vulnerable talking about love out here on the web. What is so wrong or weird about that though? There’s a collective belief or perspective that keeps us from talking about it, sharing and expressing it, really being with each other in a space of love.
Maybe that’s what it is then. It’s not that I have love to give, but rather that it’s there in the space between us – already there, waiting to be acknowledged. Something about that feels really good.
Really nice post Bill. Love for ourselves, our fellow humans and mother earth is sorely lacking in this world. I hope our gifts of awareness and consciousness will overcome this ….soon.
Hi Sandi // Thank you so much for taking time to comment. You know how I love creating dialogue.
I don’t know why Love isn’t talked about more. Too foo-foo? Too deep for much of the surface-level stuff that gets hashed about online? Has Love been watered down by popular culture too much to give it the respect and air-time it deserves?
I don’t know. What I do know is that your assessment of Love already being there just waiting to acknowledged could be right on the money. It’s like enlightenment and the take that we’re already enlightened beings — we just need to uncover it, not find or create it from scratch.
I believe with all my heart that we need to redefine who and what is deserving of our love. Love is just not a human construct. It’s universal; all that swirls above and below in the cosmos can embrace it equally and without reservation. People, places, plants, planets… It’s all good.
Imagine if every single human practiced one tiny bit of selfless love each day, putting some other being ahead of their personal agenda or gain. We’d have this world turned around in an instant…
Hi Terry // Thanks. I believe we must take these gifts — awareness, consciousness, the ability create, motivate, educate, etc. — and put them to work each day. We ourselves must be engaged directly in the lives of others and the life of the world to realize the change we envision. Just using these gifts on bettering ourselves exclusively would be a waste. Thanks again. Be well.
I have used the same three spheres approach in my own life and in my child-rearing, but my touchstone word has been “respect” rather than love. No particular reason that I can divine, but the word “respect” resonates with me. In particular you hear the word so often regarding children “respecting adults,” and I think that is what led me to expand the idea that our children need self-respect, need to respect all others (peers too, not just adults), and the earth. There is some notion behind “respect” that implies (to me) acknowledging the dignity of the self and the other, even when “love” might feel like a stretch. (Respect is far, far better to me than “tolerance” which seems to set the bar too low.)
Hi Daisy // Wow, that’s a great spin. I really like that. “Respect” does project a slightly different picture. It reminds me of something my dad always said to me during my tumultuous teenage years: “You don’t have to love me, but you will respect me.”
However we want to approach this — love, respect, etc. — we just need it to happen and sink in.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing.
I like this whole idea of love/respect for self, others, and Mother Earth. I would add the Creator of all the wonderful things that we so often take for granted.
Bill Raam and everyone else. I tend to think in terns of gratitude. How grateful do you feel? I know I’m grateful to the Earth for doing her part. I know I’m grateful for Grandfather Sun and Grandmother moon. I also know I’m grateful for all the other children of the Creator who do their own work in making life on Mother Earth what we humans have taken for granted. Last put not least I know I’m grateful to my mother for raising me and doing her best to help me overcome my disabilities when everyone around her were too busy putting her down for it..
Hi Gary // Thanks so much for stopping by and taking time to comment. You are absolutely right — gratitude is so important. For big things, for small things, and everything in-between. I have found that being truly present in the moment helps tremendously with this.
I absolutely love your choice of words — it reminds me of books I’ve read about the life of St. Francis of Assisi. His deep love — almost a brotherhood and sisterhood — of Nature is one of the things that drew me to learn more about him. Very inspiring.
Your comment led me to check out your blog. Fantastic work! You are definitely a catalyst in my book. I have subscribed.
Be well!